rants

✓ pos || ✗ neg

8/10/24

ude ive genuinelgy felt horrible for the past like month i hate hate mtself so mcuh dude i feel like everyuhtyign i do is wrong i feel like nobody is gonna tell me how to do the right think i hate how i get uypset evertysingle day now i dont want to always make my stat ohj im upset beucasse i always feel like im seaking for attention no i just feel horrible i feel so intensly depressed dudde i need a way to sotp feeling how i always feel i always need to deal wiht my own problems i hate tlaking to people about my problems but i hate not talking baout it im so stupoid why cant i just make up my mind ive cried for hours and hours over hwo i feel like ive rurined everryhutgn i can never reach for help i feel like im juist somesort of helpless being i hatge it alwasys being teased of feeling better btu then dude i hate itwhen i gho tdo somthign i wnated to do and then get upset eitehr while doing it or after i hate how i let everyhting affect me i hate how i let everything happen i never set up some osrt of barrier with myself if i dont like something ill prertend like i dont care but i really do i hate myself i feel so useless i spend my weekend just crying in my bed i go to bed at 9 and cry until 11 i feel so hopeless i dont like anything about myself

8/19/24

its so tupid this whole week i thought i was over it but i guess it was just me being distrqacted i feel like its all my fault i feel like i messed up so horribly and tried to undo what i did or atleats i treid to do somtign to make it better but it was worth nothiug in the end i feel like im doing everything wrong anf i feel so stupodi for it i woeudlve been fine today ubt i guess not i dont want to be forgtoten abotu i feel like im really forgetable im sorry thats stupid to bring up whenever im not doing somethign i just get upset its like i dont have anything better to do i dont want to be upset i dont want to feel these things and i hate it so much thinking about things jthaty were said i shdouvel seen it comign it uhafiuyf its all my faulty dude i shoduvle done better i dont like myself

8/28/24

i hate how ~ the past 2 months ive done nothing but hate miss and cry i hate evrertyghin so muhc it feels like theres no reason there is no reasonand i have to move on but i dont get it i cant every time i feel like im not gonna cry i do everyt single day ive either cried or had a breakdown its been so horrible everyone around me is so happy i feel like everyones just gonna l;eave me i feel like theyre all planning to leave me i dont want anyone to leave me please dont leave me i also feel like everyones been lying to me i dont get it i dd iu dont want to think these thigns and i cant stop i feel helpless nobody can help me but ii just need someone i need somone so bad its all i ever need i just need to be around 1 person and ill be fine i always takemyself away fro m things because itll hurt me i hate it i i feel likike im doing too much i feel like everyone hates me i just wonder how long ill last i dont want to do anything ill regret but whatever ive done so much
i just want to get along again i want to have a real firendship again i hate how everything turned out its not even worht it to try anymore
i just want to give up

3/28/25

i havent said stuff ehre in a whikle bcz i lowk forgot about it but nobody reads it anyways so why noot but i hate how im unable to talk someitmes like i get upset aboiut somehting and i try to remove myself from the situtation so i dont cause a big problem and blow up but then i like get dragged into it kind of and like i cant keep doing this i cant keep up being unable to talk i want to talk i love talking i need to talk to somone or else my day is ruined i cant stand one day withjout human interaction is nto even funny i miss talkingf to him nothing more i just want to talk like friends but i feel disconncted thats how it always is i dont want to be like that i dont want to leave i dont want them to leave me but i feel like they will every time i do somethug wrong i feel like i have to go quiet and just stop btu then i feel like im overracting but i dont know i know people are talking about me thats how it always is and i hate it but theres nothing i can do to change it i cant say anything i feel like im in a room where im just isolated when something upsets me i go away and im in that room the door is open for me but i feel paralized like no matter what i try i cant leave so i jjst stay in isolation i hate i hat ei hate getitng upset and then like one of my parents come into my room just to ask somehting and i blow up like im sorry im really sorry i dont mean it im just upset at somehtign then i stay in my room for however long i can becuase i feel ashamed of how i acted then i cry over it which sounds like ovveracting but i dont do it in any otehr way id like to talk to people buit then that means id just constantly talk about my same problem i dont want to do that so i dont efhjkrhkberwf i jusut stay away i feel like as if im a problem if i dont get attentiuon ill remove myself and become defensive and i know when im doing it and i feel horrible doing it but i i dont know i dont want to be like that i dont want to be a bad person and i diont know how to change im sorry and just thinking about saying osryr i feel like im making mysefl teh victoim after evyuhtign ive seen i dont know how ot act what to do i dont know i need somone to help me i dont want to be descarded dont leave me please after everything i do please keep a sliver ofhope ill be a better person i dont want to be alone

8/2/25

i dont get how people can love me i dont do anythig to deserve this which is why i dont get it but when peo0ple do or say they love it its just like why why>??? genuinly i dont understand why people care for me why they want to hear about my problems and why they want to help its my problem, if i cant solve it how would you be able to and why now??? "we never saw any signs" im walking sign
like why tf do you care about me ????? why do you love me?? like youre just saying that because im your friend, you dont actuakly gaf about me im just another person to talk to
and im talking in the server right and its like nobody ever fucking wants to respond to me???? like ok fuck you too anwyays i didnt care i didnt want to fucking talk to you guys anyways
like i genuinly want to be its like they dont want me around i know they dont im so paranoid i know they dont like me just say you dont like me pleaqse please pleasde please i cant do this by myself i need help btu i dotn care i atcually really dont care!!!1
you ask if i want help and ill decline and i have no good reason to decline besides the fact i feel like im too much like if you say its ok to talk about it ill eiether refuse or unload every single thing on you like i know its bad i shoudlnt just dump everyhtigun uz then youd start worrying and then id feel guilty i always feel guilty i feel so guilty for being hard to deal with i know im so annioyinf and i know i talk alot and i talk very little at the same time i know im clingy i know im slow and i know all of you hate me i fucking know it im so paranoiud please dont gate me please tell me im wrong plewasfjiofnenw i jusy want somone i dont care who or how i just want some form of love even if its fake i dont carfe i need somone to tell me i matter and that they care NO I fuck yiouuuu there is no reason to care for me dont tell me you care for me you dont fucking care for me oh myg od stop talking im trying to say somehting
i just want somone to love me it doesnt matter what kind of love it is platonic romanic ect i just need somehting both online and irl becuase ive felt so alone i feel so touch starved and i feel so lonely NOBODY LIKES ME FUYCK YOU im cosntanly splitting on the people i love i dont fucking care if its a bpd term STOP FUCKIOGN oh mgy do i keep comparing myself to bpd its so annohying i dont have bpd i just wwant attentyiomnnnnnn lalalalalal alalalalal alalal idgaf if i match alot of the traits i dont have it its very very very very very very very very likely just adhd and some sort of attahcment style + neglect but i dont fuckign care hahah lalalalalal alalalalal im going crazy im sorry im so corny

10/15/25

self harm is so emberassing to me cuz the second i get a break from school and outside activities i feel the need to do it again and then i lowk get addicted like i know its bad but nobody knows atleasrt nobody told me they know like ever since i got on break ive cut mysefl almost every day its not bad like its never deep but i do know ive been getting more like tolerated idk cuz maybe a year ago now id only be doing it with scissors and id be terrified of bleeding and now i want to bleed it sounds so edgy but i want to see it happen and maybe over half a year ago i wodulve been getting so lightheaded from doing it in a certin way like i litreally remeber doing it and then i got so dizzy and i felt so stressed but i do it that way sometimes now and i just feel normal i feel normal cutting myself and i hate it i know im going to get worse i dont care
i know the reason why i do it its not because i feel like i deserve it atleast not anymore, its like because i cant express myself how im feeling like on the inside i feel like i have to show it physically on the outside via scars and it feels good i hate that it feels good i never talk to anyone about this because its emberassing im just another teen girl who cuts herself ?? im not special
like this past 5 days(?) it turned into a habit again but it doesnt matter itll all heal in the end itll show what i felt and how horrible it is and how much i desrve pity i dont fucking dersve shut up oh myg od sorry
another thing last night i lowk i hate using the term but i felt like i got triggered like i dont wean tto go into it becuz its emberassing but its something that ive been trying to make myself upset over for the past while and now that i finally have proof of it it like made me cry i know im forgetable ive spent my time away with my friends because of my passion but it hurts so much the second i realize and i like litreally see in front of me tha tthey dont care ooh mygos im trying i know this is being dramatic and if i really want this to change i have to do something but i wont because thats not how i am
i wont ever change
sorry this is corny i dont feel like im allowed to talk to anyone not bcz they wont let me but because i wont let myself
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11/05/25 -- to be changed

heavy tw for sh and stuff like that
Im scared im not anyone anymore i feel like everyone is leaving me but its my fault i dont make enough of an effort i need to always try and when i dont is when ill fail but i dont want to try ughuhugghuguh idk dude ive cut myself so mcuh recently i justy diont want to do it anymore i might go more into that later heads up but ill try not to like its so weird i do it and its just me theres nobody else its justx me and i have to take care of myself i have to comfort myself i have to tell myself ill be okay i have to figure out everyhting by myself and i wish i didnt because i love people i love socializing but i cant bring myself to it esp for the fact i litreally dont know how to besides like online its so emberassing like im in my friend ghroups at school right its like im not actually even in them most of the time i just follow them ariound so i dont look lonely i look like a fucking fan its crazy like i like being around them but ong its so hard to include myself whcih is even harder with my mindset where i wont let myself join in on something unless im invited -- its like if they really wanted me they would say so
and thats how its been for years and i know its ruining me i know im ruined i cant go back and i just have to deal with it i have to deal with the cards im delt with or else ill just be another person who killed themself ok sorry that was. really weird im sorry ive been more scuisid well no i dont think well well idk actually all i know is that im getting worse my menntal health is getting worse and its ok because ill get better i just need to survive because tyhats what i always do and ok hi im sorry im horrible at advice like i want to help people so much but then when it comes to something i myself srtuggle to deal with and i dont have anythign good to say i cant jjust turn t he person down and so i either give them an empty responce or i feel like i give them my own bad advice dont trust anything i say because most of the time itll be wrong even if its about myseklf like if im talking about how i feel and in the middle of telling them ill just be like "or am i really feeling this" or i juist dont know i have a hard time talking about how i feel to pepole and its my fault its my fault im sorry its my fault im difficult to deal with i wish i wasnt like this i wish i was easy to deal with im sorry i cant solve my own problems and its so emberassing like if i made my problems i should be able to fidx them RIGHT?? but im so fucking stupid guguhu kind of random but ive been wanting to tell somone anyone about my dreams about overdosing like litreal dreams ive had 2 dreams of me overdosing or like about to 1 was with bennidryl and one was wiithh i think just a bunch of painkillers which idk im so dummbb im soorryyy i know i should get a therapoist or somehting but i casnt nor would i even know hjow to i want to be healthy when im unhealthy but i want to be unhealthy when i am healthy i want to get worse i want to get to the bottom i want to cut deeper i want to be just about to kill myself but it wont happen no matter what i do i wont hit rock bottom not because i wont lety myself but because it wont happen idk how to explain it but it just wont happen something good will happen to me and ill feel amazing and then ill feel like all of this i felt was fajke im so fucking lucky and i dont know if i love it or hatye it
dont forget me
please dont forget me im terrified i know im very forgettable and im sorry i cant change it i cant change i cant changE how i ammmmmmm but i would if i could if i could just be a bit nicer or just looked prettier i know people would like me more if i wasnt left alone i would be so differient if i socialed z miore as a kid i wouldntg be liek this i know i woudlnt if i was somsoen elsei w would be better iand im soryr im so sorry i cant be better thasn who i am whoever says "you make up who you are" is wrong im nobody im nobody to everyone and nothing i ever do will change it

12/26/2025

Hi im car and i just took like 100 mg (4 pills) of benedryl after taking a normal dose of dayquil (idk hjow much)
im kind of scared because like google keeps telling me that it can lead to an overdose and i doubt that bcz the daily max amount is like eithherr 150 mg or 300 in 24 hrs but i forget and like idk this is so stupid to write i guess u can call it just incase i actually die or somehting happens i doubt anything will happen to me ill just get some sort of trip -- i took 75 mg last night and it was weird because i was in the shower and i genuinly had no idea what i was doinf like i was opening my shampoo bottle and i had no idea if i was doing it right but anyways im sorry if i do die its like my fault for all of this i started this horrible jorney dont even call it tghat ebcuase ive only played with medicine like what 3 times including now ong so cornt sorry
but i never reached out to anyone and thats my fault because i know and ive been knowing that nobody will ever reach out to help you unless you do it first and i just wish it wasnt like that i wish i was better i dont wangt this to become another addiction ims orry
i know this is selfish and i know ill only be known for my death but god i cant do this i dont eveb know why i want to die so bad sorry i dont really know what to say i cant think straight when typing it out just know im sorry and that i dont sorry
if im good and alive youll know if im not you wont know so do with this what you will

11/20/2025

This might just make me a bad person but sometimes like when I'm just enjoying things w my friends I'll randomly get super irritable and then get really quiet and like I'll be thinking oh I really hate all of you which I don't and I don't know why I keep doing that because I don't want to hate anyone I don't have a reason to hate anyone like ?????? I really don't know what's causing it and it makes me feel like bad idk
Like I want to love I'm so filled with love but it's so hard to share it sometimes like at times I'll feel like I'm too much talking in chat about nothing they care about and then I get upset that they don't care about what I'm talking about like nobody actually cares anyways
Sorry I don't know what I'm saying I think it's some sort of like attachment style thing that's hurting me so bad I hate it because I genuinely want to be around someone and be clingy but the second they're off like the second I notice they're like not.. idk actually but the second I realize sum I have just the highest feeling that I need to leave because I'm doing something wrong like I'm too clingy or I'm too much or maybe I'm just not enough for someone so I have to leave and it sounds really bad but I don't want to leave I never do I want to stay with people no matter what but I learned this from ?? Somewhere idek and it really hurts everything I do every single friendship I have has been affected by it
And I'm sorry I'm really sorry I don't want to be this way
It's so ironic that my biggest fear is someone leaving me and I do just that like isn't that so upsetting
Oouughhh just kill me already